hi. hi. hi. hi hi hi hi hi hi hi

babydeermilk:

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva:

jeff bezos divorced…bill gates divorced…i’m sensing a trend here

they hate unions

(via voxvalentine)

slimegirlapologist:

slimegirlapologist:

thesis : my girlbulge is visible in most “ women’s “ clothes i wear
antithesis : my girlbulge isn’t usually visible in “ men’s “ pants
synthesis : women’s clothes were designed to show off girlbulge

this post was good y'all are just mad you don’t have cocks

(via voxvalentine)

prokopetz:

Concept: magical girl series that initially looks like it’s going to take a grim twist, with the whole team getting brutally (but bloodlessly) massacred in their very first monster fight – but then the team leader wakes up the next morning perfectly fine and is like “dude, what the FUCK”.

Whereupon the cute animal sidekick is like: “Oh, when you ‘transform’ we transport your human body to the astral plane and replace it with a magical construct that your mind operates remotely. You were never in any real danger – didn’t you read the orientation manual?”

Our hero is obliged to admit that she did not, in fact, read the orientation manual.

After taking a moment to process, the protagonist asks the question that’s surely on every viewer’s mind: “If my powered up form is a drone, does that mean I can customise it?”

The rest of the series is basically a lighthearted combination of recurring fashion montages with increasingly outlandish customised bodies and the team abusing their conditional immortality to do stupid hold-my-beer stunts while the animal sidekick frets about the budget.

rwoh:

muppethole:

any time i hear the insufferable transphobic athlete arguments i think of that one time in middle school when my boys lacrosse team did a full-contact scrimmage against the girls team (who typically play with limited contact) and i, a six-foot, 180lb defender, got utterly laid-out by this 5-foot-nothing girl experiencing the newly-unleashed animosity accompanied by violent sport and as i looked up at my assailant from flat on my back i experienced a brief bout of heterosexuality and fell wildly in love and then had to be taken to the ER because i had a concussion

“from flat on my back i experienced a brief bout of heterosexuality” took me out

(via voxvalentine)

spyhedg:

commission for @RoyalBlueJazz

(via morkitten)

iprayforangels:

grifalinas:

chloe-bourgeois-is-big-gay:

bloodydelirium:

thelilnan:

pinktwink:

puppybearuniverse:

team-lionheart7:

momnar:

roachpatrol:

one of the nice things about heterosexuals i never see talked about on here is that they haven’t already heard all your gay jokes yet. i just really appreciate having a new audience sometimes for my completely automatic responses to phrases like ‘i’ll be straight with you’. so, shoutout to all the innocent hets out there who have a genuine giggle over lame quips that a fellow queer would groan and hit me for. ilu guys. 

I recently no scoped my coworker when she asked me “What’s in the closet, anyway?” and I automatically said “me”. She lost her mind. Full cackling in the middle of the store. I never thought I’d see the day that joke would work but here I was, blessed with an unexperienced heterosexual. It was transcendent. 

I once had a girl working on a display where I work, and she commented, “I thought this would be straighter when I got done with it.” And I said, “my mother thought the same thing about me”, and everyone around us lost it. It was a blessed moment.

I knew a kid who saw my “Let’s get something straight: I’m not” bracelet and ended up laughing about it all day and telling anyone who would listen

I told a coworker that changing the music I picked would be homophobic and she lost her shit like it was the funniest thing ever

i used to offhandedly say stuff to my customers on campus like “unfortunately i’m very gay” and it always took them by surprise. they loved it.

I was visiting a (straight) friend recently and when he was making me breakfast he made me extra toast. I, of course, upon seeing this went ‘fuck yeah gay rights’ and he lost it. Should have seen his fave when I pulled the opposite joke, the ‘this is homophobia’ at any inconvenience. Was amazing.

I was in class one time and we were talking about allergies and someone turned around to me and asked “how allergic are you to nuts?”

My friend says, “obviously not enough if she’s bi.” the class lost it.

Once I was tidying up the stockroom at work and my coworker was all “you straight back here?” My response of “not even a little, but the stockroom is clean” made her lose it

I complained to my mom that it sucks that the first gender is free but after that you have to pay for them and she lost her goddamn mind 

(via foxachu)

bodingly:

jolymes:

HELP ME

song is I Don’t Trust U Anymore by Left at London

(via voxvalentine)

chronokos:

happy new year

(via ohnoproblems)

(via ohnoproblems)

tiktoksthataregood-ish:

(via morkitten)